From the Treasure Coast Cycling Association The Peloton.

CHECK YOUR SHORTS!

by Bonnie Dickenson

Attention all riders: Check your shorts! Hold each pair up to a light and check your "Rear View." If they are worn out at all, the person behind you can definitely see through them. Please repair or replace them before your next ride. (Or wear an extra layer underneath). Thanks from the back of the Paceline!

From the Southern Cyclists Off The Back.

LAND SHARK REPORT

This here collum is ta keep ya informed on those big hairy creatures thet chase ya on yur bike.

Pretoria-Rushing:

My personal favorite, the big, silent type. He's white and ya niver no he's ther til he bars his teeth. Look fur the twin sycamores & the white frame house. Then pedal like the divil's after ya!

Brooklet-Leefield:

Chock full of pestery yip-yaps, most of thees here pups were small, but fast. House after house had their hounds loose - and I was inta the wind!

From the Boca Raton Bicycle Club Boca Raton Bicycle Times. 

THINGS YOUR MOTHER NEVER TOLD YOU AND BICYCLING MAGAZINE WON'T EITHER

By Frank Martinez

I recently caught a cold and stuff built up in my nose which needed to be released so I could breathe. Now, there is a correct way of doing this even when riding alone, but most definitely when in a paceline. First, determine which nostril is blocked up. If it's the right one, stay in line, use your right hand to close off the left nostril, close your mouth, lean to the right and very forcefully blow out as in the chooo part of a sneeze (ahhh-chooo!), don't listen to the comments from the guy behind you (he doesn't even know your mother). If it's the left one, then it is a little more complicated since you have to make sure no cars are coming, move your bike to the left and do as above except to the left instead. Don't do like a guy in front of me once who followed all directions correctly except he leaned to the right and got me on the leg! Of course, you can always wipe your nose in your glove since it doesn't show and they are pretty disgusting to begin with. Don't wipe your hand in the lycra shorts since the snot shows up a lot when it dries.

(Do you ever notice that when people blow their noses, they always look inside the handkerchief or tissue? What do they expect to find?)

The other related topic is when you have a pesky bugger keeping you from utilizing your full lung capacity. In this instance due to the proximity of your brain or lack of one, there is a great deal of danger involved, so don't try this unless under professional guidance. When you go to stick your index finger (better control with the index than with the pinkie) up your nose, it is very important to keep your elbow parallel, NOT perpendicular to the ground (if you don't know the difference between par- and per-, you probably drive, eat dinner, etc. with your finger up your nose making you an expert in no need of instruction). The reason why your arm has to be parallel is because you may hit your elbow with your knee on the upstroke and end up cleaning out your cranial cavity instead of your nostril. How do I know? Don't ask.